a selection of my poems 

illustrations by Carise alejandro

salt carpet, 2021.png

I am this salt carpet 

Grubbied by the years 

 

I am this damp mattress 

Jaded by the tears 

 

I am this sugar cane ledge 

Leaning over sweet earth 

 

Basking in a cross section, 

Of my saccharin molasses birth   

 

I am this broken flame 

Beneath a plant it’s dew 

 

I am folding my lashes 

Unribbing my chest 

 

I am returning my under

Returning these old guests 

 

I am a deep sink

Sinking into thought 

 

I like to lick the hairs 

That taught 

 

The ridges to stand

The bridges to land

 

Between toe and ground 

In between the marshes of my hands 

 

I want to climb the mountain of my palms 

Plummet out of my muddied shell 

 

Wanna crawl like a preverbal pal 

Wanna say ‘alright let’s take a trip around about now’

In through my shaky body, 

Teach me how to be kind,

Take me through the open fields of my mind 

_

salt carpet

on the beach

A thousand stones

surround my body

 

pierce my sides

but I keep closed my eyes

 

my delicate body melting into rock

held by the shadow of waves

 

upon the shore

I can see,

 

through a tiny perspective

through some tunnel-vision 

 

thoughts sieve,

filtered by the time lines

and out into the big sea

I don’t know where they end.

dyke ~ what's it about?

It’s about wanting to bathe until my skin becomes sand 

 

It’s about wanting to shit with the door open and no housemates around 

 

It’s about wanting the empty house to hear my farts 

 

It’s about wanting to write from a place I squashed down 

so deep inside me for a long long time

 

For so many years I thought that I should do all of the-things on my list. I felt like going at life in a doing-way was the only-way. I didn’t know what a feeling-way-was. I-thought that if I-exhausted-myself-enough I could get-really-good-at-the-thing. I had no idea how-important-rest-was. Did not know, how to listen to my-soul. 

 

It’s about wanting to just. get. me. And put you into my life. Drop you like a soft pebble into a rock pool of glimmer. 

 

It’s about recognising I’m only temporary and some other mortal stuff 

 

It’s about wanting you to throw me around a padded room, softly, dressed as bears 

 

It’s about wearing your body with care  

 

It’s about seeing the patriarchy on TV 

 

and knowing it can’t fuck with you n me 

 

It’s about being free from so much shit 

 

It’s about being able to be close and share this deep and old gender pain and that being ok

 

It’s about knowing that I won’t be treated like a woman 

 

It’s knowing that I will be treated like a woman  

 

It’s about being able to have a girlfriend who’s also my boifriend who’s also a plant that I water 

 

It’s about planting seeds of growth together in some soil which is truly ours and the world knows it 

beyond trans toilet lines

It is easier to see 

 

A mum or a dad, rather than a tree 

 

A boy or girl, 

rather than me 

 

Here for the lavatory 

 

Not an elaborately lavash glare 

 

Into my hair, 

My fair,

Soul 

 

I care 

But I’m not about to deter 

 

From the alarms of the harm 

 

The giant anti - stance 

 

I’m just a gay plant

 

Who curves around the one who curved 

 

To soften their edge-egos 

 

To fluff and blur 

 

Out the bemusement, 

 

All of the confusement. 

 

It could be amusement 

 

To call to you and stare

 

‘Botanical creature!’ Really loudly 

 

Making them now I’m proudly 

 

Here to confudddle 

 

Queer for a cuddle 

 

Just popping to the toilet 

 

No need to go an spoil it

Trans plantation

Saw a plant lay arrest 

Your chest

 

The bones caressed 

The leaves they nested 

 

Like the beginning of a

Life 

 

Sprouting up from the roots

Of a great breast 

 

Or at best 

The love of seeing a gesture without words 

 

Up through your vest 

Of essence

 

Languaged 

By time 

 

An inky body 

Smells like soil and earth 

 

Sitting on a restful front

Sleeping tightly

 

Upon your chest 

There is a plant 

 

Forging its way through the wreck 

Of bone and blood 

 

Like a ship riding through the green of you 

And your dark place resting in veins 

 

On top a ledge of chalk 

The leaves they submerge 

 

Into a soft pink dust 

Smells of pine and iron

 

Drowning kindly in tissues 

Falling onto the inky road 

 

Trickle down a wondrous spine 

Arrives the plant in it’s new home 

dance want to dance

I want to dance 

Like the sky,

It falls

 

I want to scream out, great 

Boarder reaches

Burn my toes 

 

I want to take the hole,

Jump in,

Take some fish

 

I want to spin flip me round 

Until all edges 

Are gone

 

I want to dive into the night sky,

It falls me

Into mourning 

 

Dry my eyes,

Make a cast of my body,

Make a world my size 

 

Make the leap into the 

Endless summer lights

With my sides  

 

I want to wake my throat 

Clear the drive airway,

Clear the roads. 

 

Learn to talk 

In the other 

Tongue 

 

I want to kiss my life

Bitter and creased,

I want to dance 

 

Spit, 

Salty breakages of fire

And yes 

 

The greatest

Things to do,

I will dance them too.

green ship

I could ride like this

Into green gates of charm 

 

Harmlessly   

 

Me harnessing  

A breeze of discomfort  

 

A past of me [you]

 

I could ride like a trailer 

Of acidic trash 

 

That carries my old bodies, 

 

They rot

And rotate 

 

Holding many mossy forms, 

 

Inherited 

By clouds 

 

Covering the blue 

 

Muddying that moon 

Unpacking things. 

 

I could ride like this 

 

Into my new 

Wavey way 

 

I am curving 

 

To reach a deeper part, 

To draw some water from this heart  

To hope, 

 

On the other side, there is 

An infinite wave 

 

A seabed 

 

Greengage

Earth and olive. 

 

and me 

 

I hope that on the inside 

There is an ocean to be  

 

Where I could writhe 

 

Like this soft greasy package 

Writes onto skin  

 

I could ride this Green Ship 

Through the quiet gates within 

the ocean from the car

Out there is the deep 
It’s the deep black ocean 
It’s the middle of the night 
While in here I am a monster 

Out there is the sea
The dark space that fills with light
And then disappears into more life 

That is full of hardship and pain 
That is tough to turn by 
That is smooth on its edges 
But harsh and abrasive too 

A deep hole that is full of water 
A long liquid that can hold so many things 
A wide open space closed off by the burden of the land 

And in here 
In my car 
In here I am a monster 

A monster of modern life 
A monster of the insatiability 
Of breaking people’s hearts 
Of pain and hardship 
Of luck and drive 

I am the driving force of a mighty wave 
The drowning force of being vain
The drowning force of water in my veins 

And temporal life 
teasing me 
Breathing air and the fire of the hot sun in me 

Out there is protected 
Sealed and held by itself and everything within it 
Weighed down by the pull of the moon and struck by an active belly of fish creatures 

In here I am always hungry 
And bored 
Always floating around 
With these wandering eyes 
God damn it, I wish I was mighty like the ocean 

I am a flakey flake 
A flag from a place 
A few years of life on some legs 
A few bread rolls and takeaways 
A few things from Earth that now seem shitty to me 

My human nature sucks me 
And every day I am a bit afraid 
So I wrote a mantra: 

If the oceans can take it 
So can I 
So can I 

 

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